See you...

So this is my collection of poetry written throughout my four years at ND. In order to get the whole effect you should start from the beginning and work your way forward in time, just as we all must. I hope you will enjoy.
-R

Shadow of a Man (started:4/20/2009,"finished":8/19/2009)

I
Falling into darkness
A man becomes his shadow
Gray and lifeless

He is, by his nature, evidence
That the light exists
But it has deserted him

There is no figure leading him
His path is free
But where should he go?

He flows over a static earth
Still feeling the sting
Of the rocky ground

Feeling a breeze through short hair
Two hands smoothly caressing
These are only memories to him

The closest he feels to being alive
Is sensing the slow puttering
Of cold raindrops

People carry on above him
They call him the lonely specter
Their own shadows avoiding him

Some offer him their hands
Only to scrape the surface
Hopelessly, he moves on

He find shelter in the night
Where no one can see his huddled figure
Leaving a trail of dew on the grass

II
On an afternoon of unusual cold
He was disturbed by the feeling of warm drops
Falling from above

He beheld the figure of a woman
And despite the haze from her tears
He knew he was beholding beauty

Escape
This was all she searched for
But instead she found him

As she became aware of his presence
Aware of what he was
She saw a sense of herself reflected in him

He had been brought so low
He had forgotten how it feels
Wanting to console another

But he knew he could offer her nothing
So they simply shared
In their common misery

He had never considered
Not being alone in his grief
But she is following his path

As she reveals her deep despair
He can feel her dragging closer
See her light dimming

Before he can realize
The harm he has done
He is forced silent

The shade of night approaches
His shape and voice disappear
As darkness creeps over the earth

She thinks he is gone
Does not realize he is still waiting
As she falls asleep by his side

III
At night, he is the darkness
He is driven to cover the light
But he will not let her follow

He fights away the shadows
Trespasses against nature
So she may lay there in light

The beauty of her figure
Once again overtakes him
As he feels himself begin to fade

He has assured she will not follow
She will not fall into darkness
And so he gladly pays the ultimate price

As his perception of the world weakens
He spends my strength focusing on her light
And softly ask her to remember him

He hopes the darkness
Will become a little lighter
Without him there

IV
A slight breeze
A touch of the hand
Yes, he recalls these feelings

But never so vividly
As that day he woke up
Next to his lovely Nova

His life has been given new breath
A new hope
Found through the darkest of means

She alone could pull him
From his desolate place
To find the light

For he saw it in her eyes
Though despair may have held her
He saw the promise of her life

He now sees a new light in her eyes
Telling him they will live their lives
To their fullest
Together

Untitled (1/6/2009)

You look in the mirror, and wonder who you are
You write your thoughts as they stream through your head
You listen to music to inspire you
You think your life is deep and vast
And it is
But you can’t help but search for the answers
It clouds your thoughts
Keeps you from focusing
And I can’t focus either
Which is why we can never be together

I know, but I can’t stop it?

Stay Misfit (1/4/2009)

So far away.
To know me.
A lottery of the mind.
Yesterday.
My heart burns.
I remember.
Stop.
Fear purpose.
I am a product.
Trying to be tomorrow.

T/F/R/C (1/4/2009)

The torment.
Like a constant reminder.
That has forgotten where it is.
You’re chosen.

The failure.
An unforgiving corollary.
Escape reality.
Toss it to the future.

The regret.
An uncontrollable fear.
Fight, for you are right.
Drive your self away.

The clash.
Pick up sticks.
Drop and lose.
Repeat.

And as I sit here…alone (12/28/2008)

I remember.
So far away.
My heart burns.
To know me.
Stop.
I am a product.
Inevitability.
A lottery of the mind.
Yesterday.
Trying to be tomorrow.
Fear purpose.
Search forever.
Inevitably.

Untitled (11/21/2008)

Random words fly through the mind
Will they ever express me?
How can I let others know who I am?
Is it possible, or even desirable?
I desire so much
But just as much has been denied me
Can one change what you desire?
Or is it proper to simply be rejected?

Untitled (11/21/2008)

Wipe the day’s sweat from your brow
Words fail to express
So you let those fall to the ground too

Light (11/21/2008)

Light will only at first make you squint
Such is being exposed to life
How will you adjust?
Retreat to the darkness?
Or endure the pain
To embrace the light?

A Heart (9/24/2008)

A heart frozen in time
Cut so deep
In this flash of a moment
There is no pain

Will it refuse its fate
And dissolve into oblivion
Or drink the ultimate sacrifice
To live but a little while longer

A heart beat
The wound pours crimson
Into the waiting outside world
Onto the cold hands of true love

Many times have I died this way
But I must go on living
Continuing to bear this heartache
Each time I awaken

Sorrow (8/29/2008)

As a boy I was sorry for who I was
And falsity of my actions
But now that I am a man
I only feel sorry for the boys
And it is only the wise
That feel sorry for me
And only God for them

Rest (7/20/2008)

I can feel a change
It drives me to a finer perception
A remembrance of a beautiful life
A beautiful potential
But it is not beyond me that it is not me
This part of me I cannot deny
Despite my struggles I carry it still
It is my inspiration
The desire that creates my desire
It creates these pieces I leave behind
This is not my flaw
It is my punishment
And but for its control over me
The whole world would be mine
Once again a stranger to poetry and prose
I will find a final resting at peace

That House on the Hill (6/8/2008)

That old house on the hill torments me so
Every night it seems to fill my whole window
It represents the calm and comfort that I cannot have
I want to buy it
And burn it to the ground

So I work hard
Labor so I may complete my task
Passion drives me to my end
Until I finally find myself the owner
Of that house on the hill

But the time passed is too long
And now I can only see myself snug inside it
That house on the hill

I spend all my time in that house
Cherish its shelter
My love for it consumes me
For a while

But before I know it
It has begun to bore me
I must just leave it behind
Let it rot on the hill
But it was not meant to be alone
And so I must give it to someone else

I tried to leave without looking back
But now I see that new tenant
Treasuring his new lovely home
And I cannot help but wish to again feel as he does
In that house on the hill

Roots (3/26/2008)

I
The rain settles in a puddle on the ground
Your hopes and dreams lie hidden below
The water seeps through the maze of dirt
It soaks through the immature layers of the spore
There is a spark and all it can do is grow
The weight of the earth cannot hold it back
Only time limits its potential
It finds its way to the surface
It bursts through with beautiful colors
The rain subsides and it glimmers in the sun

II
I have spent an eternity walking through the barren gardens of this earth
I sigh as the last of the rain slides from my cheek
A slight sense, a tickle at the back of my neck
I turn around to look at my footprints in the mud
Before my eyes I see the most spectacular sight
The flower I have been searching for
As I kneel before its fragile frame, I know that it was meant for me
I will spend the rest of my life loving and protecting you, my gift from God

Over (10/30/2007)

It’s fitting that it has started raining again
It was hard to hide the tears in the snow
My knees will just get a little dirtier now
But there’s something else that needs cleaning

Looking at the world outside
I don’t want it to get inside
But it’s too late for that
And all I have left is a lot of work

The fight has continued
Though I haven’t been part of it for a while
I have simply been dragged along
By this world I’ve learned to love and hate

It’s time for me to take up arms
But I don’t want to do it alone
We all know where to look for help
But it’s tough to find the strength

I have the means
And I’ve done it in the past
I can start over again
It will always be true

It’s never too late to start over

Fallen (10/30/2007)

I fall on you
So you’ve nowhere to go
But you crush my spirit
From below
You look into my eyes
I avoid your stare
My eyes betray me
You see that I care
But it is not enough
Under me you decay
Soon it is bare ground
On which I lay
I roll on my back
Gaze at the stars
They reflect in my eyes
Behind them, scars
And only one thought remains
You are gone
And I am alone

Untitled (9/13/2007)

We were two lost in the midst of finding ourselves
And we came together
And shared in our misery of misdirection
And we fell apart
And I still tried to find you
But now I have given up
And have finally found myself

Change (7/31/2007)

You still feel the pain in your heart
You place the pain in his to make yourself feel better
You want to believe it when he tells you you're right

But you know that he can’t change
He says it’s only you for him
All he can do is ask you for forgiveness

You’ve got forgiveness in your heart
Can you forget it this time?
Or change just to save yourself from him?

Scent (6/25/2007)

As I am walking along
I catch a scent on the wind

The only thing I can call it
Is beautiful

For it not only is more pleasant
Than anything I have ever smelled

But with it came the sense
Of touching the softest skin
Hearing the most joyful laugh
Looking into the most deep blue eyes

And for a moment I feel
That one most amazing feeling

But the feeling is fleeting
And I just continue walking

I should feel sad
That the feeling is gone

But I like to think of it as a reminder
That you’re out there somewhere

My Imaginary Friend (6/13/2007)

Well hello my imaginary friend
How are you feeling today?
(I’m feeling exactly how you want me to feel)
Yeah, sorry you’re feeling bad, I guess it is my fault
(Well actually I’m not feeling all that bad)
Really, that’s interesting, thought your mood would reflect mine
(Maybe, you’re trying to cheer yourself up)
It might not be a bad time to do that
(Yeah, you should probably…)
Don’t tell me what to do
(…)
I guess it’s goodbye then

Filled (6/7/2007)

I am filled to the brim

These hands
Filled with skill

These legs
Filled with strength

This head
Filled with knowledge

This heart
Filled with love

But how I wish there were someone
To drink me down

Your Light (6/5/2007)

I hold your light in my hand
It fills me with warmth
It embraces me
And ever since I held it
I have been happy

But what is that?
On the horizon
I cannot see
Your light is too bright

How should I discover it?
I need to cover your light
Only for a moment
I will return to it

I see the new light
It is different
I try, but I cannot hold it
It does not embrace me

I return to your light
At least I hope it is still there

I open my hand
The light pours through my fingers
And I am refilled with the embrace
The happiness

But just as soon as the feelings return
They encounter something within me
And they begin to fade

Soon my hand no longer contains any light
Only a memory

I am still surrounded by light
Thousands of tiny lights
But they are all
Different

Untitled (Around 2007?)

When preparing becomes finishing
When waiting becomes enjoying
When liking becomes loving
When dreams become reality
These are the times you must cherish
And they will be here sooner than you know

Untitled (Around 2007?)

If u could only hear me
I would tell you...
So much
But alas my words fall to the stone
Lost forever
They will never be spoken again
For how could they?
Since you are gone
And I am alone

My heart, once filled to the brim
Has been drained
She took my words
But left me behind

Content (6/2007)

You lay there
Content in your stillness

The only notion of time
Is the movement of the clouds

You know your body is still there
But only because you feel the tingle of the wind

Otherwise it is just your mind
Left on its own

You let it be free

As the sky dims
A thought crosses your mind

You feel something moving below you
Expanding, it covers your body

You cannot see what it is
You are frozen in place

You feel it wrap around your skin
You are powerless in its grasp

You give in to the monster
And allow it to rise you to your feet

Eyes (5/30-5/31/2007)

I
I stare at the sun
Loosing myself in thought
Before I know it
I’ve lost my sight

I stand there in darkness
I stand for a long time
Nothing around me
But I still feel it
I can feel the eyes
They peer at me
Pierce me

I feel cold
Naked
Exposed

I get down on my knees
Bend til my head is on the ground
And I cry

When I stop
That piercing feeling is gone
I open my eyes
And the light is a relief

I find my way home
And when I finally look in the mirror
I recognize my body
But those eyes!
They did not used to be mine
They were the eyes that I had felt

II
I see you
Yes, I see you

You are crying
As well you should be

Look at your life
You are nothing but a mess

How wonderful are these eyes
For I see how great it is
To not be you

III
They used to be at my side
Oh Lord, what have I done?

These eyes have seen
What only you could

These damn eyes!
Damning, Condemning!

But no
It was not the eyes

It was me
I drove them all away

In the anger of my own revelation
I pluck out those eyes

I am once again in the darkness
And I come to realize where I am

I lie awake now, in my bed
The light is once again a relief

But can I call it a dream
Or was it really me?

Burns (5/7/2007)

The elements all burn
Emitting a spectrum of colors

But what of me?
I am not only made of the elements

So what is emitted
When my soul burns?

Untitled (Early 2007)

Somewhere where you go
Is anything I find it to be

And everyone you know
Is somewhere there inside of me

What could you see there?
It’s truly beyond my sight

Whatever you see there
Just continues to dim the light

Continue to be free
It’s all you could ever be

I can’t the way you see
Whatever is beyond me

Forever is for you
For me it’s just eternity

Call it what you will
We’ll know it all some day

So keep it to myself
Forever is eternity

Miss (12/13/2006)

I will miss the days
When rain would make me smile
But now it’s just rainbows and starshine
And I will miss these days too

Untitled (9/26/2006)

Dry like me
Say you don’t know
Do you need to
Feel?
Cry?
Live?

Untitled (9/26/2006)

Somewhere lays the answer
Could be a question asked many times
Could be the first
But it won’t be the last
Ever
So ponder as you will
But come to terms that you will never be satisfied

Untitled (9/26/2006)

Feels like another day
Everything goes right
You can feel your heart pound
Feel the tingle in your toes
See the beauty in front of you
Smell the fragrance of life
And then you wake up
And can’t help but search for that feeling

Untitled (9/5/2006)

There’s something on the inside
Begging to come out
But what’s on the outside
Doesn’t know
He only sees what he wants
Can’t find his own reality
Makes his decisions
Expresses something
Not himself

Tired (9/4/2006)

I'm getting kind of tired
My life seems such a mess
If only you could read me
Else my life is meaningless

Waiting: A Poem about Me to You (8/6/2006)

I don't know you yet
I know I’ve said you don't
But I’m sure you know me
Better than most

You sat there waiting
I thought it might be for me
But I could never convince myself
And so I ended up waiting too

Others came and went
You were always there

The time came for you
But it wasn't time for me
I lost my chance
And so I ended up waiting again

We separated
The contact was scarce
I learned a little about you
But not from you

I tried to forget
But it wouldn't last long
Because I remembered
That I don't know you yet

So here I am
Still waiting
I've got a lot to learn
And I don't want to do it alone

Untitled (8/6/2006)

Everyone is waiting for something
A moment can only last that long
Be content to end at any one of them

Rain falling outside
When will the next drop fall
Tears in my eyes
Don’t remember why
Don’t remember much

Learn for yourself
No being afraid
Single special

Catch a ride
Cut the need
Who am I?
Follow me

Whatever (8/5/2006)

I woke up
Head clear
Just like every morning
Went to sleep with a thousand thoughts
Woke up with none
Just a memory
Tell me something?
About me

Miracles (4/28/2006)

Who can deny miracles?
Those who don’t experience them
Those with bad fortune
Those who lose
Those who cry
But as for those who still believe in miracles
Though they have gone through all these
How great they must be
In the eyes of others

...on the other side

You made it! So this is should be the first thing you read after the intro. If not, Stephen Hawking would be upset that you traveled the wrong way in time. But who am I to judge, do what you wanna. If you just finished, hope you enjoyed. If you are just beginning, click on "Newer Post" below and have a pleasant trip!